Spirituality & Dissolving the Ego

In todays new age spirituality, we continually are bombarded by the concept of our Spiritual Self and our Ego. Most Spiritualists and practitioners or new age spirituality at some point will bring up "Ego Death" and how it is part of the spiritual process and journey. But what exactly is Ego? Not only on a spiritual level but a human experience as well? Lets dive deep into this.

Ego is defined as "a person's send of self esteem or self importance", in the most basic description. At first looking at this definition two things come to mind. Having self esteem is not only a good quality - but a necessary one to thrive and survive in this physical realm we currently reside in. Second, self importance. This concept to me is what I would consider a double edged sword. It is important to understand your role within your journey/community/family/life and the importance we play in that role to ourselves and to others. Self importance is also something that can lead to the negative aspects of the Ego. When we puff ourselves up to be more important then we are, and create a false narrative of our importance we create a negative aspect within ourselves. We feed our Ego with false narratives, false self importance, and lose all humbleness and connection with others.

Ego is not inherently bad, however, what we feed it can create negative experiences for not only others, but ourselves. We end up blinded by our own self importance in a world and universe that we are just a small part in. We forget that we are all connected - people, animals, plants, the earth, and the stars. This disconnection leads to more bloating of our Ego - our self, and in turn makes us believe we are the most important thing on our journey through the physical realm.

So why is the Ego and Spirituality so tightly tied together now? We hear terms such as Ego Death, Death of the Ego, Spiritual Ego, and so on. But what does this truly mean? And how are these concepts effecting Spirituality in todays world? And how are some Spiritual Mentors totally bypassing or twisting Spirituality so it becomes another indoctrination of Religion, Patriarchy, or even a Cult like system of belief. Lastly, how is New Age Spirituality in 2022 creating more Spiritual Narcissists than ever before?

"Walking the spiritual path properly is a very subtle process; it is not something to jump into naively. There are numerous sidetracks which lead to a distorted, ego-centered version of spirituality; we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity* through spiritual techniques. This fundamental distortion may be referred to as spiritual materialism."

– Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche - Tibetan Buddhist meditation master

*concerned with the individual rather than society, taking the ego as the starting point in philosophy, limited in outlook or concern to one's own activities or needs, Self-centered, Selfish*

Over the past 10 years Spirituality has come to the forefront and people have been diving in faster than ever, with little advice, knowledge or proper mentorship. Spirituality has become another "fad & aesthetic" for those looking to stand out from the "norm" and have turned a beautiful practice into a system of capitalism. They curate these perfect lives and stories on social media through edited and staged photos - caption them with light and love to give you a sense that their lives are fulfilling, perfect and everything anyone could ever want. They make you think your life will be fixed if you just follow a few simple steps: meditate, do what's right for you, ignore or block anything that may upset you, and hold your overpriced crystals and incense close. They offer overpriced courses on information that is easily accessible for free, and try to gatekeep knowledge - unless you can afford it the hefty price tag that comes with it. This goes against everything Spirituality is actually about.

So how is all this tied to the Ego? The way these particular people present themselves and in turn preach their beliefs is in fact Spiritual Narcissism - an inflated Ego and belief that they are more "special or enlightened" than those around them. Spiritual Narcissism is the very culmination of spiritual egotism: it is the ego that has become so solid, so fixed, so unyielding in the idea of its own spiritual greatness that it is pathological. It is narcissistic. Narcissism in its definition is a mental disorder where a person has an inflated sense of their own importance. The exact same problem applies to spiritual narcissists: they have such unwavering belief in their own awakened perspective, their own “special” spiritual achievements and knowledge, that they cannot connect with (or tolerate) their humanity. Spiritual narcissists cannot tolerate other people either – even though they may fine-tune their external image to the world of being compassionate or wise, but others ultimately pose a threat to their delusional grandiosity.* Lets also remember that everyone has narcissist tendencies, but having a few of these traits does not make you a diagnosed Narcissist - it just means your human and have things to work through within yourself.

*Spiritual Ego: 15 Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist; by Aletheia · Sep 9, 2022; https://lonerwolf.com/spiritual-ego/

Now that we have a basic understanding of Ego and the part it plays in Spirituality, lets discuss why an unchecked Ego in Spirituality can be dangerous. Individuals that have an inflated Spiritual Ego tend to be concerned only of their experience, their world, and how things may or may not directly effect them. We have chosen to come back to this physical realm to continue our soul growth, to have human experiences and emotions - good and bad. Many people who fall into the trap of Spiritual Narcissism (also known as Spiritual Bypassing) end up stunting their own spiritual growth. They refuse to look deeper within themselves and challenge themselves to grow and let go of values and beliefs that maybe harmful or hurtful to others. They stand in their beliefs so steadfast that it is detrimental because they fell they have already "arrived" at their highest self or being. When in reality, they have stonewalled themselves into a inflated sense of entitlement, power, and self. This in turn causes a sense of complacency and stagnation within themselves and their journey. They refuse to look within as they have already done the "work"; when in reality - the work never stops.

An unchecked Ego in Spirituality can look like many things - and most times is disguised as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Unfortunately, they are usually the loudest, charismatic, and vibrant person in the room or on social media as each like, comment of praise continues to fuel their self importance and inflate their Ego. Individuals with an unchecked Spiritual Ego may do the following and its important to see these red flags when looking for a mentor or educator in the Spiritual Community. Please note that this is not an extensive list, but some of the bigger and more common red flags that are seen.

• Will gatekeep knowledge and spiritual practices, especially around healing ones self. These individuals want you to rely on them for your healing, and may even so boldly state they are the only ones that can help you with that - and usually also for a monetary cost.

• They will overly post and stage their social media platforms to only show one side of themselves and Spirituality. These accounts have an energy of being unauthentic. Every post and picture in done in a manicured manner not to reach those that need it, but to get the most likes and comments to fill their Ego.

• Some individuals will claim they have "ascended or transcended" those around them and will talk about themselves and their spiritual gifts almost as if they are God like.

• Spiritualists that have gifts - such as mediums, psychics etc.; that state they were given these gifts because they are "special" and flaunt them every chance they get but don't share the fact that everyone can tap into these gifts with practice and not trying to help you, but in fact are inflating their own self of self importance in this world.

• Individuals that are not open to discussion or seeing something in another light because "they know it all" create an environment around themselves of stagnation and unwavering inability to realize that learning never stops. Usually when you challenge these peoples belief or knowledge, they will either put you down, or shrug you off as someone that doesn't know as much as them or is lesser (even if your points are valid).

• Spiritualist who put others down because they are not "awake" or having "low vibration" emotions. These people are in fact the ones that need the most healing and inner work.

• Individuals who hide behind Spiritual terms or thoughts of belief to put a certain group of people down because of their own personal beliefs (I.e. Racism, Transphobia, etc.) These individuals will twist and turn Spiritual beliefs and values to validate their own hate or misunderstanding of a certain group of people. They will invalidate these individuals experiences, make light of them, or tell them they are mentally ill.

• People who fill their Spiritual Ego will also most times disregard modern medicine and mental health issues as biological problems. They will state that you don't need medical intervention or medication to get better, and that all you need is yourself and your spiritual tools (or them at a cost) to remedy whatever ails you. They may even go so far to state that you are cursed or hexed. Not only is this misinformation, it can be extremely dangerous when you have physical or mental health issues.

Now that we've covered just the tip of the ice berg regarding Spirituality and the Ego, what can we do to make sure we don't fall into this trap ourselves of an inflated Ego and self importance? One of the first and most important things you can do is Shadow Work. The term Shadow Work has come to the forefront of the Spiritual Community over the past 10 years and is used to help you re-evaluate and look deep into your self, beliefs, and actions to help you grow not only spiritually but as a person. Shadow Work deserves more than just a paragraph to really understand its concepts and applications in Spirituality and life, which we will discuss in the next post. Until than, keep growing, keep pushing yourself, and remember not to fall into any Spiritual traps along the way.